My dad is the human encyclopedia and has taught me so much during the course of my life. Much of the man I am I owe to his training as I grew up. I hope to take that foundation he gave me and build on it as I work as a dad to build up and develop my boys. I want them to be the best men they can be and fulfill all of the great things God has for them.
The Power and Value of Delayed Gratification
One great lesson they can learn is the discipline of delayed gratification. In his book How Children Succeed, Paul Tough discusses a famous test called the Marshmallow Test. In it, children are given one marshmallow and left alone for 15 minutes. They can either eat the one marshmallow immediately or wait 15 minutes and get a second one, thus having two to eat.
The children who could wait displayed the ability to delay gratification. In follow up studies with the same kids, they were shown to be described by their parents as significantly more competent in adolescence and had higher SAT scores as well. A follow on research project with those children forty years later showed that “the ability to resist temptation in favor of long term goals is an essential component of individual, societal, and economical success.”
A Behavioral Experiment With My Son Titus
So on a whim I decided to do the experiment with my 4 year old son Titus driving home. He had gotten some candy from his Easter party at preschool. And since when did kids get so much candy at so many parties? Anyway, while he had a Starburst in his hands, I gave him the scenario. “Titus, you can either have this piece of candy right now or you can wait until tomorrow and have 3 pieces of candy. Which one do you want to do?” He had to think about it for awhile and first he said he wanted the candy now. Then I asked him if he was sure. He could have one today or 3 tomorrow, whichever one he wanted. On second thought, he opted for the three pieces of candy the next day and I asked him one more time if I was sure and he said yes.
He didn’t mention the candy at all on the drive home which was a surprise to me. He didn’t mention it that evening or as I laid him in bed. He didn’t even mention it the next morning during breakfast or while we got ready to leave for school again. But once we got in the car he said, “Daddy, can I please have my candy?” I was so excited and we celebrated with him eating the 3 pieces of candy on the way to school.
I hope small lessons like this can help Titus out while he’s young to learn valuable lessons like the benefits of delayed gratification. And when we talked about it, I used the words delayed gratification so he starts to get the idea of what the concepts from the beginning.
We Can All Learn to Delay Gratification
For those of us who are older and haven’t learned this habit, are we stuck? If our children fail the test are they doomed to a life of failure. The answer is No. Delayed gratification is a habit that can be learned. And as we learn it, we can benefit from developing the discipline. How can you learn it too? Well habit formation is habit formation and there is no trick to it. You just have to experience refusing a small short term goal for a larger long term goal over and over again. Here are a few steps that can help do that.
How you can change habits
- Start small
- Do some preparation
- Be personally and/or publicly accountable
- Give yourself permission to be imperfect and begin again
- Stay with it
- Celebrate your successes
These steps can get you on your way to changing your habits and learning to delay gratification. I hope with each little bit, you make one more step toward pushing your God given gifts to the limit.
