You don’t get what you expect in life, you get what people think you expect.
I was with a group of good friends discussing how to deal with relationship problems and a good friend of mine said something he is known to say when we discuss this issue. He says that the disappointments often come from unmet expectation. You really wanted her to watch the game with you and she told you she wasn’t interested. Or you were looking forward to flowers on your birthday and all you got was a card. And that miss can be upsetting.
The same is true as a leader. Nothing is more frustrating when the people you lead don’t meet the expectations you’ve set for them. The bad leaders blame the people following them first. The great leaders look at themselves and question whether they set the expectations clearly enough. In this article, we will discuss the value of and method for setting clear expectations.
It’s important that you set clear expectations because often one main reason people don’t meet the expectations you’ve set is because what you thought you said you wanted is not the same thing they walked away understanding. And as much as possible, you want to be sure that the expectations you’ve set are clear and understood.
Does that mean that every time someone doesn’t do what you expected when you made the request that it’s your fault for not being clear. Not at all. There are all kinds of issues that the person you’re leading may have that need to be resolved, but we will talk more about that later. The main thing to keep in mind is that, you are the leader and that gives you a great deal of power. And with great power comes great responsibility.
There are 3 steps to effectively setting expectations. – 5Ws + H – Have the proper attitude when you are setting expectations – Check for understanding
The 5 Ws + H
These are the building blocks for setting expectations and they’re also the basic pieces any good journalism major heard about in their 101 class. Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How.
Who? Who are the key people involved in what you’re asking? Who needs to be called or Cc’d on an email? Who is this for? Who has the keys to the storage room? Be exhaustive in the list of people who are important players in getting this task or project done. Don’t overkill, but create a list of folks that will be involved or informed of progress and completion.
What? What the heck are we doing? Be as clear and specific as possible about what you want from someone. You don’t just want a cafe mocha, but a tall Starbucks cafe mocha with three pumps of chocolate and one of caramel, stirred well with no whip cream. And you’d like it in your special keep it hot thermos cup you just got for your birthday.
When? ASAP is not a time on anybody’s clock. ASAP for you may be by 5 pm today and the weekend for the person you’re asking. Get clear about and get agreement on a deadline. You should also set up a system around communicating whether that deadline can not be met. You want to know as early as they do if the deadline is going to be missed. When could also be when are you going to meet? When do you want updates? Discuss any time related issues here.
Where? Where should it happen? Where are you meeting the next time? Where is the stuff they need to do what you’re asking? Do you have files on dropbox, links to info that you can send, or copies of documents. Where do you want the final product placed? Anything location based is here so that if they don’t arrive where you expected, you can check first to see if you did an excellent job of giving them the detail they needed to succeed.
Why? This is often overlooked. No matter what you tell somebody, you will never catch every detail. And in most every situation, things don’t go as planned. When that happens, the person or people you are leading will have to make decisions. The best way to empower them to make decisions as close to the ones you would have made is to know why you’re asking them to do what you are asking, when, where and for whom.
The deadline for the project is in 3 weeks, but I need your part by the end of this week. It takes a week for me to review and then I have to pass it on to the VP for her to submit and she needs 10 days. That leaves buffer time for any changes.
Fix Your Attitude
Based on the research of Albert Mehrabian, there is something called the 7–38–55 rule. It teaches that when a message is delivered, 55% of what is conveyed comes through facial expressions. Further, 38% of the meaning is paralinguistic, or communicated through the way the words are said to include things like your tone of voice and how fast you speak. What is left is 7% of the meaning coming through the actual words spoken.
Given all of this, another important piece of setting the proper expectation is the tone and attitude you convey when you deliver the expectation. As a leader, should you be intense, nice, friendly, firm, happy? Well, it depends. There is no right answer for how to deliver the message except this. Adjust your tone and attitude to fit the person and the assignment.
Your position alone could be intimidating to people and it often drives those that follow you to want to please you. As a result when you have a serious expectation to set, you can tone it down a bit so you don’t scare the person. If it’s an easy thing to do, you can present yourself in a less intense manner. If it’s a fun activity, let the fun nature of the situation shine through you.
If you mismatch the tone with the message or if you always come off like a harsh military general, you risk harming the message you deliver with the tone you present it in. But if you effectively match the tone, you will be more successful in properly setting the expectation for what you want accomplished.
Check for Understanding
If you tell someone clearly what you want, they should be able to get it done right? This is something I’ve struggled with over the years. I always felt like I had been so clear, sometimes even giving written instructions. And when the person comes through I put the responsibility on them for not listening carefully.
It turns out this is another area where as a leader I was more at fault that I thought. Sometimes the message I sent isn’t the one the other person heard. And if you’re working with teams of people or through multiple levels, it’s like the game of telephone.
It’s important to check for understanding when setting expectations. It takes a few extra seconds or minutes, but it will save you hours or days in the future. Just asking the other person to explain what they heard you say will show any gaps in understanding of the expectation.
A great question to ask is, “Why do you think I want you to do it that way?” When the other person can articulate the why in their own words, you know that they not only understand what you’re asking them to do, but if they have to make decisions on the fly, they will be more able to do so from your perspective more so than their own.
When something doesn’t happen the way you expected and you take responsibility it has an amazing effect. By saying that you should have made the expectations more clear, you take the pressure off of them and put a big piece of it on you. Even the best followers respond to pressure in unpredictable ways so by relieving pressure in this way, you increase their odds of success.
Once you’ve given them the 5 Ws to set the expectation clearly, using an appropriate attitude, and checked to make sure there is an understanding of what you’ve said, you’re on your way. You have set an expectation for what you want done in a way that will set you up for success.
In the next article, we’ll discuss how to give the person the skills they need to get the job done.
What challenges have you had with setting proper expectations? Would anything here help improve things in a similar situation?
